It’s hitting me..

I know my senior friends last year told me that even upon graduation, it hadn’t hit them that they were done with school.
For me, It’s hit me pretty early, perhaps a bit untimely.
This whole semester, the first semester of my last year, has had this sense of seriousness that is quite distinct from my previous 3 years.
Even during junior year, I had my 4th year as that safety net / buffer to the real world.
I guess always in the back of my mind, I thought… I’m still in college. I’m here to stay. and, thus, let my spirit be free.
But this year, upon a very rough start, I guess I’ve been a lot more alert of my spiritual condition, my future plans, and my priorities.
What do I love, and what sacrifices am I willing to make?

With my days numbered at Cal (literally.. commencement date 05/22/10),
there’s been an acute awareness and urgency about my relationships.
– relationships I wanted to pursue but never did
– mending broken ones from the past
– milking the time and freedom I have with my close buddies
I always banked on the future to do these things.
Been talking with a few close friends lately, and I realize I’m really good at starting relationships.. love RIDING that honeymoon phase with people.. but when it comes to long-term commitment, faithful, loyal relationships.. despite the sins I see in them.. despite the ugly side I show them.. heh I need a lot of work.

I still got the rest of this semester and next..
my schedule isn’t goin to be lax, so I think I gotta actually be violent in pursuing my commitment with people.
I’ve made the mistake in the past of having a leaving mentality. 

I’m still very much here.

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~ by Jungpa on November 19, 2009.

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